Whilst travelling, I find blogging comes naturally but when living a “normal” life, the words barely dribble out. But this week, after watching old Sex & the City reruns (the protagonist is a writer) I felt inspired.
After holidaying in Europe, I returned to Mexico 2 weeks ago. Leaving my family, old friends and the land of “abundance” is never easy, but this time as I bawled my eyes out at the airport, I felt particularly flat.
The initial 24 hours were a warm, horny blur, but as the minutes passed, I started to ask myself, “why am I here?” “I barely have a handful of friends, teaching English doesn’t enthuse me like before and I’m almost 10,000km from home.” My mind whizzed. It’s not the first time I’ve felt alien in once very comfortable surroundings, but it’s intimidating nonetheless; especially when the only noticeable change is in you.
One of the brilliant things about going away is that you can reflect on your daily life, like you’re watching a film. As I caught up with people over Xmas, I realized that throughout 2018, I’d been floating in an “all I need is my boyfriend, Chris” bubble-so snug that whenever we were separated for a few hours, I was incomplete. Adored and utterly in love, I never imagined my desires would change.
Anyway as days go by, conversations, mindful practices & patience are calming the choppy waters. I’m learning that when we trust our situation, we begin to welcome it with an open, curious heart & make way for new, more beneficial opportunities.
2018 was a gift that I wasn’t ready to accept for around 7 years: stability, a year in 1 city, a job contract etc. And it’s been great: I’ve reaped the benefits of having a routine, allowed myself to love & be loved; but most impactful, I’ve been deeply humbled by the simplicity of this new life-without excess money for festivals, weekends away-I’ve found genuine joy in the essentials, not the extras.
This year, I’d like to get closer to nature. The more I learn about the state of the world, the more I feel true happiness & health can only be attained through empathizing more profoundly with nature (yes, trees & beautiful scenery but also ourselves!) and forming communities where equality is less of an laughable dream.